Chelli Turned 1

Chelli turned one (many moons ago) and I haven't been very good at regularly blogging at all this year, but tonight I felt the urge.

Anyway - As I was saying. She turned the big ONE.

We celebrated with a Garden Party of the Garden Variety.

There was of course some edible dirt to intrigue and delight the guests ..

 Boy actually loved eating it and had most of them... because who doesn't love mousse topped with Oreo crumbs?

I hung Baubles from the tree in the centre of the park - because well .. who doesn't want floral baubles to laze on a picnic rug and look at on their first birthday??

Chelli eats like a giant and decided that Ky needed some nourishing too.

The fam , the tree, the cultured croquet course, the park... perfect weather...

Five things I love about the girl of my dreams.

1. Your appetite for everything - food, life.. everything

2. Your smoochy wet kisses.

3. Your Chelli Chub, especially your legs. I could nibble your legs all day.

4. Your resilience, fall down - try again? No problem!

5. Your courage. " I laugh in the face of heights.. ha ha ha!"

 It was a glorious day for a very special one year old.

(The flower crown lasted 0.2 seconds, but it was totally worth it)

Happy 1 Chelli Bubba x

Beyond Resolve

It has been a difficult few weeks since my last post.

It is hard for me to, at this point, push past certain inviolable facts. It has been such a freeing process allowing myself to be vulnerable and finding strength, which I have so often failed to have myself, from others around me.

I thank-you. All of you. For your acknowledgement and your supportive words. Each and every person who has publicly or privately told me they hear me. That they are listening.

I remind myself -  life continues. I exist. My feelings are true, my reactions are mine.

I understand lately, now, more than I ever have, how affected I have been.

How undeniably broken I have been.

The resolve I felt and the courage it took to speak out about my own sexual assault freed me from years of carefully built omissions.

I have, in the last few weeks, found a more genuine self. Not only do I embrace the light I have within myself, but I am learning - ever so slowly, to embrace the dark.

For who am I without the darkness? Feelings of anger, discontent - they have been there all along bubbling under the surface. Action and reaction. Yet, it is only now that I can truly embrace my self - all of myself, that I have been able to face each emotion and accept them as my own.

This shift has allowed me to challenge myself.

It has allowed me to love myself more deeply than I ever thought possible.

Through your acknowledgement, I have been renewed.

It feels so very very good to be heard. 

My Story

--> I was reading an article, online, about another woman who has recently spoken out about her abuse at the hands of Bill Cosby.

I scrolled through the article and at the end came across the comments.

"Why go to a movie with a married man " said one commenter.

"The timing of her disclosure makes me skeptical " said another.

"Don't tell me she didn't know what she was doing " another berates.

"What is the point of bringing it up now if the statute of limitations has passed " accuses another.

The comments continue further down the page. The more and more I read the sadder I feel.

How can we possible expect victims of abuse to speak out if we belittle them when they do? 

How can we create an open conversation where people are supported for taking the brave step of speaking out when they are criticised: from what they were wearing to who they were with – even how long they took to speak out.

1 in 4 women and 1 in 6 men will be sexually abused in their lifetime.
(aic.gov.au)

This culture of accusation only perpetuates the silence victims of abuse struggle with. 

Abuse is not straightforward. It is not a case of A to B and then to C. Everyone’s circumstances are different, everyone has a different journey to travel. A different story to tell.

Recent statistics state that 1 in 3 girls and 1 in 7 boys will be sexually assaulted by the time they reach 18. ( aic.gov.au )

You are more likely to be abused in the first 18 years of your life than the other 70.

You are also more likely to be sexually abused by someone you know. In fact 90% of abuse victims knew the attacker and in most instances the crime was committed in their own home or in the home of a close relative or friend.

'An understanding of child sex offenders, based on the available evidence, is critical if child sexual abuse is to be prevented and responded to in effective ways.' (aic.gov.au)

Child sexual abuse is any sexual act or threat to a child or young person under the age of 16 that causes them harm or causes them to be frightened or fearful. 

From my own experience - from when someone I knew attempted to groom me and then sexually assaulted me, on more than one occasion, at the age of 13. Through to the first time I told someone at 16 I was abused and beyond into adult hood I have heard similar words from many, often with well meaning intentions, but nevertheless a hugely misguided understanding of the depth and severity of the emotional wound and subsequent scarring on this, my own journey of survival.

I have been told:
" If it was me, I would try and forget it."

I have been told:
" I hope one day that the saviour can help you ...hand it over to the Lord and move forward."


I have been told (on asking for support): 
“If I have to”

Worse than these sentences which reverberate around the inside of my skull, taunting me and quashing my self worth, telling me that I should be further along in my healing or - not need healing at all. Worse than the depression, the anxiety and the subsequent PTSD is the deafening silence, which occurs after the “advice” is given.

The judgement hangs in the air like a stifling hot day with no wind, the air barely breathable. 

Moreover, the only truth about it is that it is more a reflection on the critic than on the aspirants themselves.

If victims of abuse are to feel validated and heard. If we are to feel loved and supported. .. If you would like to know how to help us feel safe.

Simply, just, listen.