Sometimes I feel like there is another woman in our marriage. A third person. Unfortunately the work mistress rather openly diverts Hunna's time and attention.
When I am at home I wonder what he is doing, where he is and where he is going.
I wonder if he sleeps in dingy hotels with her or if she takes him to places more upper class.
I wonder if he loves her more than me.
I wonder if what she pays him is worth it, if its enough for the sacrifice.
Last week they were in Perth together. Him & and Her.
They spent nights in the city and days together in the wind and rain.
I wonder of he likes it like that, just him and her for days on end....
Over the last few weeks I got a gentleman friend.
Now there is four in our marriage. His work mistress and my work gentleman.
My gentleman and I only spend time with one another late at night. When I leave Hunna and kiss him on the head as he settles into bed.
Unlike Hunna's mistress I don't need my gentleman for the money. It's more because I actually really like him. I like how he is mine and I don't share him with anyone else.
As I drive to work I don't have the chatter of a little person in the seat behind me.
Sometimes I turn on music that definitely isn't Play School up really loudly.
Sometimes I sit in silence. Amazed at the quiet. My eyes staring out into the darkness.
I like to think that while I am away on my late night trysts that Hunna misses me as much as I miss him when he's with her.
But when I return he is inevitably tucked up snug in bed asleep and most probably happy he had some time alone.
I wonder if I am a jealous wife.
I wonder if I should feel guilty for having a gentleman.
I wonder if wanting to work makes me a good mother or a bad mother.
I wonder if it makes me a better wife.