Things with my body since surgery are frustrating.
Today is six weeks post surgery and Hunna said to me last night
" wouldn't it be great if you just woke up tomorrow and you were suddenly better?"
" Definitely " I replied.
Yesterday was the worst day. My body is not doing anything usual. The twitches and twinges that are usually associated with one thing now mean another.
Things like : - the old feeling of period pain now means go do a number two. The new feeling of period pain is lower back pain.. Etc
It's a hard process figuring out what I actually need at the moment.
My hormones have been off the show and so have my periods.
Yesterday I sent Hunna this exasperated text. ( Mum if you're reading you might want to avert your eyes from the text. Level 3 swear word warning )
This morning as I put the toast in to cook under the grill ( we don't have a toaster) I got distracted. When I ran over half the muffins were burnt. The smoke alarm started blaring loudly as I salvaged the other half and sat down to eat my semi smoked toast. A second later ( he scoffs everything) Boy came up with his plate and asked for more, as I reached out my fingers didn't quite grasp the lip of the plate and it came down with an almighty smash.
The funny thing was that earlier this morning I was thinking about how I should probably try for a New Years resolution. And was wondering why I lacked complete motivation to come up with something.
I realised, as I perfectly cooked some more muffins, that each day.. each moment. I have a chance for a "do over".
All the " I'll start that tomorrow's " do is give me an opportunity to procrastinate.
Yesterday as we sat and watched t.v ( after giving up for the tenth time) Boy came up to me and kissed my scar. " Feel better?" He looked at me through his long lashes. " You need bancake ( bandaid) on your tummy?" He asked. And I cuddled him and felt the strength return to my limbs and the will return to my mind.
And I got up and started again.
So here's to starting again. ...and again.... and again...