Friday, June 12, 2015

Beyond Resolve

It has been a difficult few weeks since my last post.

It is hard for me to, at this point, push past certain inviolable facts. It has been such a freeing process allowing myself to be vulnerable and finding strength, which I have so often failed to have myself, from others around me.

I thank-you. All of you. For your acknowledgement and your supportive words. Each and every person who has publicly or privately told me they hear me. That they are listening.

I remind myself -  life continues. I exist. My feelings are true, my reactions are mine.

I understand lately, now, more than I ever have, how affected I have been.

How undeniably broken I have been.

The resolve I felt and the courage it took to speak out about my own sexual assault freed me from years of carefully built omissions.

I have, in the last few weeks, found a more genuine self. Not only do I embrace the light I have within myself, but I am learning - ever so slowly, to embrace the dark.

For who am I without the darkness? Feelings of anger, discontent - they have been there all along bubbling under the surface. Action and reaction. Yet, it is only now that I can truly embrace my self - all of myself, that I have been able to face each emotion and accept them as my own.

This shift has allowed me to challenge myself.

It has allowed me to love myself more deeply than I ever thought possible.

Through your acknowledgement, I have been renewed.

It feels so very very good to be heard. 

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