I can't get over the fact that I have to clean an entire house from top to bottom. I know I really need to move on from it. But it is making me really depressed thinking about all the "extra" tasks I have to do on top of day to day cleaning/cooking & child rearing because the Landlord didn't get the last tenant to clean up after themselves or bother to get a professional in.
|think: scrubbing the whole house. From top to bottom.|
I know I said I would be done by last week but we were under the weather and our plans got pushed back. On top of that Kyle has been working insurmountable hours and I am thinking I am a single parent at the moment which makes Bastian the primary concern since he is needing some extra emotional support and attention since we moved and doesn't have his Dadda around much.
I just feel really frustrated because I know if I was at home-- real home, I would have had so many relief society sisters call in and check on me. Dropping off meals and pushing past me to clean the walls against my futile denials that I need any help.
I miss the fellow ship of the sisters in Tasmania. They are as strong as oxen.
Its easier when your burdens are lightened by many.
However, I will say this.
The few but faithful (namely the beautiful Julia and the stunning Mel) who have helped me and supported me during the process have given me hope for the future.
I hope that Melton is as tight as Tassie because I couldn't find the same feeling of love and warmth and unity in Geelong.
I hope that I will find older sisters to be close with and coddle me like mothers.
Because I miss that. I miss all my surrogate mothers in Tassie.
And most of all I miss my real, no nonsense Mum too..
I wonder if for the rest of my life I will hear her in my head, like she is over my shoulder. Scolding me like she would when I was five with a brisk "Jessica" and telling me to get on with it.
Seriously sub-consious Mum. I could use a break!