Dear Hunna. {apart for now}

Dear Hunna,

 

I'm still here, you're still there and that's O.K.

But I just wanted you to know; I need you.

I love you, I miss you & I need you.

Without you I find it difficult to breathe, I need you to breathe.

It's not that I can't live without you, it's just that I don't want to.

Yes, I can still breathe on my own, but it seems like such a shallow breath, one after the other, that sticks to the top of my throat and never more deep.

I don't rely on you, but I choose to. I choose not to live without you.

When I am with you, you are like my calmative, like a mersyndol on a horrid dark migraine filled day; you slow my heart and soften my thoughts, you allow me to breathe. Deep. Right down into the bottom of my lungs.

Meditative. Breathing.

I choose you.

I choose life and love and our family and us.

I choose sun and rain and hot and cold.

As long as we are together, as long as I have you and you have me.

I am whole.

I am calm.

I am me. The real me, the one that only you know.

The tender and vulnerable and scared me.

The one who weeps, at love, at death, at laughter and misfortune.

I draw my eyes to the sky and I know, even though we are apart, we sleep under the same stars and this fact makes us so very, very close.

I'll dream of you tonight.

I'll miss you all the while.

 

Jess x